Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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