Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
