it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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