when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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