It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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