we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
