Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
