You're a womanizer and a bitch.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
