Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
