I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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