You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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