New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
