So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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