Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
