the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
