Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
