Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
