ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
