Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
