I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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