I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
