I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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