you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
