Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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