You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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