I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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