I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's rum buckets o'clock
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
