Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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