Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
