Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
