Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
