like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
