My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
