You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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