If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i think i just lost a toe
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
