This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
