I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
