There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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