I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
