im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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