Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
