that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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