I don't think brook has ever known best
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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