Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
