I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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