Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
