People in love make me want to vomit
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
