yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
