Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
