Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
