Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
