the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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