ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
