So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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