just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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